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Joke of the Day

"I think I pulled a muscle avoiding my neighbor in the grocery store."

"Out of all the things that go bump in the night... your parent's bed is definitely the scariest"

"I know my wife is cheating with my best friend Her pussy tastes like his dick."

"Before I destroy a wasp's nest I like to capture a single wasp and tell it my entire diabolical plan."

"My kid's favorite joke right now: Knock knock. Who's there? I eat mop. ... omg that is SO gross"

"I'm 87 but have the body of a 25-year-old supermodel But it takes up too much room in my freezer, any suggestions?"

"What did the butcher say the the angry customer? I'm sorry that we couldn't meat your needs. I came up with that myself about a year ago."

"What do vampires cross the sea in? Blood vessels."

"Why can't you ever really trust your toilet? It's usually full of shit."

"I went for a run in morning but came home after 2 minutes coz I forgot something I forgot that I'm so fat that I can only run for 2 minutes"