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Joke of the Day

"[Clean] You can tell that someone is not from an English speaking country if... ...if their phone's personal dictionary is full of people's names."

"Why did the noodle hide from the other noodles? Because he was Alfredo pasta!"

"I do most of my parenting on Facebook. My kids post that they're smoking pot and having unprotected sex and I reply with a sad emoticon :-(."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... Black. Bitter. And preferably farmed by African slaves"

"People complain about their looks, but no one complains about their brains."

"Why do black people only have nightmares? We shot the only one with a dream."

"How was Germany able to Take over Poland so easily. They marched backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving."

"What's up? Some movie about an old guy and balloons."

"My roommate said I might be schizophrenic. But what does he know I don't even have a roommate."

"If you take meat from a calf... ... it could either be veal or below-knee."