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Joke of the Day

"Who do they bring in if the stand up comedian dies during the show? A stand in comedian"

"A girl says to a salesman, ""I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker."" He says, ""Well, that depends. Are you gonna sweat, or are you gonna break wind?"""

"What do you get if you cross a black person with an octopus? I don't know but it would be excellent at picking cotton."

"Why are there no white chinese people? It's because two Wongs don't make a white."

"Whoever said Obama never created any jobs... Obviously has never heard of Isis"

"You always hear people saying suicide isn't the answer... But how do they know it's not the answer if they haven't tried it? I haven't heard one person complain after suicide."

"Why does Barack Obama eat bananas? Because they are popular, inexpensive, and a good source of potassium."

"Chicago really is the windy city. After all, they did just win de World Series"

"Why is a pensioners vagina like a pork pie? Because you have to bite off the crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the meat."

"I'm so fresh... ...I get put in the produce section."