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Joke of the Day

"Texts: Cool! What does it say? Emails: Oh God... what do they want? Phone call: I basically assume someone has died."

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"What are you supposed to do when someone is having a seizure in the bath? ...throw a load of dirty laundry in."
"Job interview HR: What's your best asset? Me: I have an excellent memory. HR: Give me an example. Me: Of what?"
"Why did the sheriff arrest the tree? Because its leaves rustled."
"Why did the policeman shoot the empty LED? It was a black one."
"What do Pink Floyd and Dale SR. Have in common? Their last great hit was The Wall"
"How to start an internet fight: 1. Write a comment 2. Wait"
"What do nuns do when they get horny? They come to Jesus."
"Did you hear about the redneck family campout? It was fucking intense"
"Botox doesn't make you look young, it makes you look like you think you're old."