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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a German paedophile hiding in the playground bushes? Kinder Surprise!"

"How do pirates know that they exist? They think, therefore they arrrr"

"I was sitting in the traffic the other day That's why i got run over."

"*zip-lines through your living room window* *shakes off the broken glass* YO! DO YOU LIKE BRAD PITT BETTER WITH SHORT OR LONG HAIR!?"

"Little monster: Mom Mom what's for tea? Mother monster: Shut up and get back in the microwave."

"The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks."

"Why does vampire Superman want to go out? Because he doesn't want to be around the crypt tonight. (you can tell i made that up)"

"I think I'm done clapping for stuff. It's enough already."

"My 61-year-old stepmom loves your product, Mark Zuckerberg."

"I can't listen to orchestral music anymore Too much sax and violins."