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Joke of the Day

"Why does vampire Superman want to go out? Because he doesn't want to be around the crypt tonight. (you can tell i made that up)"

"My uncle used to sell cheap inflatable dolls They always went down on the customer."

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

"""Have you tried turning her off and then on again?"" -- Sexual Tech Support"

"ME: [waking up from nap] HER: *looking angry* when i said i wanted to sleep with you this isn't what i meant"

"Met a beautiful girl down at the park today... Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser..."

"Rules are like a penis You can bend it as much as you want, but if you break it, you're fucked."

"I don't think of women as just nice tits, a sweet ass, a pretty face or any single one of their parts... ... I think of them as a hole."

"I don't know what Hitler's favourite drink was. But he sure as hell didn't like juice."

"When I go out in public with my brother; people think he is my boyfriend, which is crazy because we broke up over 12 years ago."