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Joke of the Day

"What do girls and parking spaces have in common? All the good ones are taken and the rest are disabled"

"So i was having sex with another man the other day... And he tried to kiss me after. Pfffff, what a faggot."

"You want just one cow for those magic beans? Idk, I'm suspicious, magic beans sounds like the sort of thing that would cost 2 cows."

"Me: *shakes bosses hand* Sorry I'm late to the meeting boss. Boss: No problem, restroom? Me: Yes, and we're out of TP and hand soap again."

"Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists."

"Dear God, thank you for not giving spiders wings."

"Broom advocates for cleaner work environment."

"I'd sit on Ellen Pao's face... ... Just so I wouldn't have to look at it."

"Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realized he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys."

"S & M me and the wife are in the s & m stage of our marriage. she Sleeps, i Masturbate"