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Joke of the Day

"Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realized he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys."

"There was a blackout in the streets of Houston yesterday... Don't worry, the police have everything under control..... they shot him."

"little caesars makes an ok pizza but just think what they could do if their caesar was full size"

"Where do crows go to have fun? a crowbar!"

"Why do men masturbate? it is sex with someone they love"

"Two muffins are in an oven First muffin turns and says ""damn it's hot in here"" The second muffin says "" holy sh!t, A TALKING MUFFIN!"""

"Did you hear about the girl that went fishing with the three guys? She came back with a red snapper."

"So embarrassing when the door's marked PUSH & you spend 5 minutes shattering all the glass"

"What do you call a reliable coke dealer? Instagram"

"Women call me ugly until they hear how much money I make. Then they call me ugly *and* poor."