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Joke of the Day

"I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?"

"It's sad old people won't live to see time travel, because how bad do they want to find the jerk who carpeted over this beautiful hardwood?"

"So there's apparently been over 200, well preserved tibia excavated in the area surrounding the great pyramid in Egypt... sources say it was a real shin dig."

"What do you call a girl with anorexia and a yeast infection? a quarter pounder with cheese."

"[At Fancy Restaurant] Her: I'll have the oxtail topped with quail egg. Him: Gimme a steak. Her: *glares Him: Uhh, topped with a Cadbury?"

"A Physics student is standing on the roof of a building preparing to leap to his death.... His professor calls out to him, ""Stop! You have so much potential!"""

"What's the difference between E.T. and a Mexican? E.T. learned English and went home."

"[Job Interview] How would you describe your time management skills? Me: Can we talk about this later? I'm late for an appointment."

"I couldn't figure out why someone was brushing their teeth out here at work, then it hit me... My wife always brushes after sucking cock too!"

"Why was delta afraid of zeta? Because zeta eta theta and is only epsilon away from delta."