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Joke of the Day

"[god to lions] You will be the symbol of power and prestige [sees the crickets] Ew. Uh...you guys just yell real loud when a comedian bombs"

"[Mr. Robot] I may be late... ...and, for sure, Edward Alderson is late, but Christian's later"

"What do you get when you put rootbeer in a square glass? Beer."

"What comes after 69? A funeral"

"What's the worst thing you can do when posting a joke? Accidentally hit submit before you"

"You're not considered an alcoholic if you're married."

"What do you call a deaf lesbian? Earmuff"

"Real men don't need guns. One time I beat a burglar to death with a sleeve of Ritz crackers and used the crumblings for a casserole crust."

"The Samsung Galaxy S6... The Samsung Galaxy S6 has a worse memory loss than your grandmother's Alzheimer [First joke, go easy, pretty please?]"

"I like my coffee how I like my women Thrown into a burlap sack and transported illegally across Central America"