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Joke of the Day

"Think of all the new jobs Trump will bring to America: Wall builders, death squad patrollers, bounty hunters and immigrant poachers."

"Why would Bill Cosby make a great lawyer? The proof is in the pudding"

"you deserve more than a guy who wears t-shirts with ""witty"" sayings that he bought from jcpenney."

"You might be a redneck If you think ""Pearl Jam"" is an oriental sex act"

"I lost all my fingers on one hand yesterday... ...but on the other hand, I'm okay."

"Men go to bars for 2 reasons: 1) They don't have a wife to go home to. 2) They have a wife to go home to."

"*stares into the abyss* *abyss pretends it's doing something on its phone*"

"My love is like a candle... If you forget about me, I'll burn your fucking house down."

"Operator: ""9-1-1 please hold..."" Me: ""Ok. Hey, stop stabbing me for a second."" Murderer: ""K."""

"My wife just said to me that i'm a Pedophile and it is wrong -Pedophile? That's an awfully big word for a 12 year old."