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Joke of the Day

"The prince didn't mind living in his father's luxurious house but some days it was hard living in the chateau of his father"

"Do you want to here a joke about TCP Did you get it? Did you get it? Did you get it? Did you get it? Did you get it?"

"5-year-old: *spreads arms wide* I love you this much. Me: Aw. 5: *spreads arms even wider* But I'd love you this much if we had a pool."

"Did you hear Jared Fogle got sentenced to 15.5 years in prison today? Under 16, that is a big win for him. &nbsp; Credit to /u/RandomExcess"

"How do you know if a hippie was at your house? He's still there."

"Why did the bartender put laxatives in a patron's drink? For shits and giggles"

"What's worse than a talking parrot joke? The Holocaust."

"How did I get out of Iraq? I ran"

"I just want to apologize to all the guys I dated BEFORE I started using Prozac. And to their wives. And their local fire departments."

"My girlfriend wants a Christmas Gift she can wear... I'm going to give her a facial."