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Joke of the Day
"Why did the bartender put laxatives in a patron's drink? For shits and giggles"
Next Joke
"How do you make cultured milk? You take it to the Moo-seum. I know this joke is terrible, but I totally came up with it on my own, but I'm sure it exists already."
"*walks into bank* THIS IS A ROBBERY *people drop to the floor* JUST KIDDING, BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE LISTENING *lowers guns* A TOMATO IS A FRUIT"
"I get chills down my spine every time I hear the song Stayin' Alive... I don't know, there's something about the Bee Gees that just gives me the heebie jeebies"
"I lost 7 followers today. It's nice to know some people are finally reading my tweets"
"What do you call a bear with no teeth? A faggot with dentures."
"As an introvert, having a special place in hell reserved just for me sounds rather nice."
"Whats white and likes to shoot? Kevin Nash"
"[DIRTY] Eye exam Eye specialist: ""Sir, you need to stop masturbating.""   Patient: "" Oh my God, is it ruining my eyesight?""   Eye specialist: ""No. It's disturbing the other patients."""
"Next time you prematurely ejaculate Just remember you probably still lasted longer than Ronda Rousey"