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Joke of the Day

"What does a vulture bring with him on the airplane? His carrion bag."

"A penguin walks into a bar and asks ""Has my brother been in here?"" And the bartender says ""I don't know. What does he look like?"""

"I like people how I like my coffee... I don't like coffee!"

"What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick into your ass."

"Three drums and a cymbal rolled down a hill ba dum dum ching"

"To do list: 1) Change Facebook name to 'No One' 2) 'Like' peoples statuses."

"When I grow up I want to be a kid."

"Why do we drive on parkways when we park on driveways?"

"I've been wearing the same clothes for almost 7 years now because a girl wrote ""never change"" in my middle school year book."

"Great way to end a phone conversation: Yell ""OH FUCK, METEOR!"", then hang up really hard."