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Joke of the Day

"Materialism: buying things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people that don't matter."

"I saw a sign that said bad' the other day. I thought, that's not a good sign."

"A fart is just a turd honking for the right of way. Yep"

"So a Croatian walks into a bar, and the bartender says, ""We don't serb your kind!"""

"How do you sell a deaf guy a frog? DO YOU WANT TO BUY A FROG? rip."

"I won't undo a retweet in case someone finds it offensive. I just knit them onto pillows and give them as Christmas gifts."

"Tim: This is Tim from accounting. Me: Hi Tim from accounting. Tim: Just say Tim. Me. Tim. Tim: How are you today? Me: Tim."

"I'm all about fitness fit'ness whole burger into my mouth"

"I bought a pair of Undies yesterday. On the front it says, ""I Will do Anything For Love"" ..and on the back it says, ""But I Won't do That."""

"I've survived 23 years by pretending to be smarter than I am. I tell people I excel in Academia but I can't even point Academia out on a map"