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Joke of the Day

"Tim: This is Tim from accounting. Me: Hi Tim from accounting. Tim: Just say Tim. Me. Tim. Tim: How are you today? Me: Tim."

"Why was Homer Simpson in such a rush to get to the Kwik-E-Mart? He desperately needed Apu."

"What kind of disease do you get from birds? Chirpes. It's a canarial disease, and I hear it's untweetable."

"Did you guys see the score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer match? Egypt 8 .. Ethiopia didn't"

"One time Bill Murray came up to me at a Wendys, took a fry off my tray, ate it, looked me dead in the eyes and said ""Nobody's going to believe you"""

"My Daddy taught me to lick it before I stick it- I say to the judges as I hang a spit covered spoon from my nose."

"Do I hate when people answer their own questions? Yes."

"How Many Hillary Supporters Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb? Why NONE of course, they prefer to remain in the dark!"

"The lights at JayZ's house weren't working, so he called me to fix it. Now he's got 99 problems but the switch ain't one."

"Where do I see myself in five years? *kicks feet up on desk* Sir, does my resume list ""psychics abilities"" under skills? No. Next question."