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Joke of the Day

"I bought a pair of Undies yesterday. On the front it says, ""I Will do Anything For Love"" ..and on the back it says, ""But I Won't do That."""

"Wife: Did you want to go to Comic Con? Me: *Google searches 'Is Emilia Clarke going to be on the Game of Thrones panel at Comic Con'* ""No"""

"What did God say to the inventor of the didlo? ""If you build it, they will cum."""

"A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''"

"What does a greengrocer weigh? Vegetables."

"What do you call something that only 9 or 11 can fix? An untenable situation"

"Those people who try to tear you down are just pissed that they can't reach you where you are standing."

"Teacher: We're going to need you to work with your daughter on humility. Me: I was never good with weather stuff but I'll give it a shot."

"[commercial for mops] *scene of a man licking up a pool of spilled soda off the dirty floor* ""There has to be a better way"" Narrator:MOPS"

"It is WAY TOO EARLY for Christmas music. -people in the year 75 BC"