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Joke of the Day

"A turtle is crossing the road.... when he is mugged by two snails. When the police show up they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies ""I don't know...it all happened so fast!"""

Next Joke
 
"Why do Mexicans never cross the border in groups of three? Because the signs all say ""No TRESpassing"""
"[kidnapper hands wife phone] ""brent"" BABY IM COMIN *kidnapper takes back phone but she can hear me yelling* IS THE HAM IN THE FRIDGE EXPIRED"
"Skyped my dad today and had a great conversation with his forehead and nose hairs..."
"Black people don't have inside voices, they only have ""I want to make sure everyone fucking hears this"" voices."
"I love milk... It's got lots of cowcium."
"I'll never be able to clean my house faster than when someone texts saying they're coming over."
"What does a Oompa Loompa Rabbi have for breakfast? Orange Juice"
"A magician turns into a driveway..."
"My friend from Prague is a writer. He likes to use Spellczech."