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Joke of the Day

"My kids are so aware that I'm a bad driver that if I start the car before they have their seatbelts on, they cry."

"Why are Jedis allowed to use negative numbers? Because only Siths deal in absolutes."

"I was doing the dishes and i realized.. If we could cover our Military vehicles in dried egg yolk we would be unstoppable."

"Why do divers fall backwards into the water? If they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat."

"I passed my dentistry exam... Written paper A+, Oral B."

"I'm so incapable of accepting a compliment that I've started just flat out refusing them. Them: You look lovely today. Me: No thank you."

"which power ranger is racist? the WHITE POWER ranger"

"Is it just me... ...or are circles pointless?"

"A priest with a lisp offered to bring a roamin' Catholic to Paris ... The Catholic, bread in hand, was not impressed."

"If April showers bring may flowers, what do may flowers bring? Hundreds of years of disease and genocide."