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Joke of the Day

"My kids are so aware that I'm a bad driver that if I start the car before they have their seatbelts on, they cry."

"UFO conspirators believe theres been an invasion... ... They have reported an incredibly high amount of aliens at California DMV's."

"Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!"

"""Action, camera, lights!"" - dyslexic and now unemployed director"

"Well it's taken 10 years, but I've just finished my first book.... I think I will start reading another tomorrow.."

"Guys, don't worry, the glass ceiling already broke 78 years ago! It was called Kristallnacht."

"Who decided that a clown popping suddenly out of a metal box would be a good toy for young children?"

"Great way to end a phone conversation: Yell ""OH FUCK, METEOR!"", then hang up really hard."

"Have you ever seen the house Ray Charles lived in? Neither did he."

"""Knock knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""santa"" ""santa who?"" ""santander... We're repossessing your house because you haven't paid the mortgage""."