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Joke of the Day

"Well it's taken 10 years, but I've just finished my first book.... I think I will start reading another tomorrow.."

"What do you get when you cross and owl with a bungee chord? My ass"

"Why do Trans people hate the former Soviet Republics? [Fucking CIS scum.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commonwealth_of_Independent_States)"

"What do you call a color-blind pop artist? See No Green"

"[Walking into the gym Jan 1st] Trainer: Hello! This is a great life change you're making. Me: [confused] This used to be an Olive Garden.."

"Why did Sally fall of off the swing.... Because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally."

"When my wife says ""I don't want to talk about it"" that's woman code for you better put your life on hold for 2 hours & find out what ""It"" is"

"My child's first name Is going to be look"

"I signed up to volunteer at a pro-life bake sale I'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes"

"Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything... Because you're at an all-time low. (Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)"