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Joke of the Day

"Somebody accused me of being condescending today... ...by the way, condescending is shown or characterized by a patronizing or superior attitude toward others."

"The lords army. Chad: My brother, why don't you join the lords army? Bob: I'm already their. Chad: I don't see you on Sundays... Bob: I'm in the secret service."

"Why are there no really good steak jokes? Because they're a rare medium well done"

"You know why T-Rex can't clap his hands? Because he's dead."

"Five. Five dollar. Five dollar (and thirty five cents sales tax) footlong."

"Friend: just make small talk *later, on date* Me: so...grains of sand Her: uh yea- Me: dwarves Her: are u okay- Me: bottle caps"

"Whats black and hurts when you get it thrown in your face? A Piano."

"What do you call 0.33333333333 of a shit? A turd."

"I can't wait for hillary to become president and appoint bernie sanders as her vice president ""I did not have sexual relations with that man"""

"They said Brexit would let us get closer to non-EU countries. They were right, we now have more in common with Zimbabwe than ever before."