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Joke of the Day

"I dropped my glasses in the toilet today. Now everything looks like shit."

"Why was it easier for the whistleblower to leave American soil earlier in the year? It didn't Snowden."

"I got drunk and woke up in the gutter. This is my sewer side note."

"There are three ways a man wears his hair - parted- unparted or departed"

"If you get butterflies in your stomach You should probably stop eating insects"

"A stallion with a smoking habit kidnaps hookers. So basically a hoarse horse hoards whores."

"What do you call a deaf fishing boat captain? Anything you like he can't hear you."

"If your house it hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT AND SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside."

"Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too"

"Spend life with the people who make you happy, not the people who you have to impress."