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Joke of the Day

"A vegan, an atheist, and a Crossfitter walk into a bar.... The only reason I knew is that they wouldn't shut the fuck up about it."

"Every squirrel is a flying squirrel if you've got a good throwing arm."

"What do you get when you throw a bomb in a French bathroom? Linoleum Blown-apart"

"I'm not saying pregnant woman aren't attractive I'm just saying, It'd feel weird giving some random unborn child dimples."

"I just bought bunk beds. The other night I brought a date home. She said, ""I'll get on top."" I said, ""Great, I'll get the ladder."" She said, ""You sure think a lot of yourself, don't you?"""

"The insane really should be institutionalized. Trump for President"

"So I posted this on r/ShowerThoughts ""I wonder where I put the soap?"" (Mods deleted it.)"

"I've got an idea for who should run for President next... Hindsight, 2020."

"A Hindu and Muslim together makes for a surprise equillibrium Muslim keep beheading the Hindu. The Hindu keeps reincarnating."

"Facebook would be way cooler if it was on TV. : ""In other news Brian's ex-girlfriend is still a cold, heartless b!tch. Details at 11""."