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Joke of the Day

"The next time somebody complains about millennials, maybe remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hardwood floors."

"Divorce. When being wrong every day for being alive isn't working for you."

"What would you do? if your uncle jack helped you down off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?"

"What do you call a gay Yeti A snow blower!"

"Two bloody tampons pass you in the street. Which one says hello first? Neither, they're both stuck up cunts."

"People don't realize how hard it is to write stupid things on a regular basis."

"How do you know if someone was in the navy? Oh don't worry, they'll tell you."

"Whats the least paying job? British dentist."

"Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes? They looked both ways before they crossed."

"7: Its the last week of school so we don't have to go. Can I stay home? Me: Ha! Nice try, kid. Teacher: Its true. Me: Ha! NICE TRY, TEACHER."