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Joke of the Day

"Experts determine Super Bowl blackout was an electrical issue, also determine grass has a green issue."

"Girl, I like you so much, I might even let you hold my phone....some day, while its locked"

"There was a Spanish magician... And he was performing for a crowd. He told the crowd that he would dissapear into thin air. So he counted: UNO! DOS! And he dissapeared without a tres."

"Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly."

"What's green and eats nuts? Syphillis"

"[first date] Me: don't let her know you're a lizard Her: why did you just say that? Me: (gets scared and loses my tail but I grow a new one)"

"Super convenient that my arms came with cup holders."

"Tip: When the cop asks you ""Do you know how fast you were going?"" do NOT respond with ""I know, right?!"""

"What's the difference between the US and Russian Presidents? US presidents get shot while Russian presidents take shots."

"The problem w marriage is communication. When I said I hoped he'd go down in a plane I meant more crash & burn, less on the flight attendant"