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Joke of the Day

"People change. Except for that homeless guy down the street. Pretty sure he's had the same clothes on since the 90's."

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"If a bear attacks you, play dead. Ok good, you're about to feel like this forever"
"Flash floods in Arizona last night. We nominate California and Texas. #ALSIceBucketChallenge"
"Can I major in Life Hacks? Why not, I've already got two degrees that could be less useful."
"Respect If you use the term ""respectively"" respectfully or you use the term ""respectively"" disrespectfully, I have a lot of respect for you and I disrespect you, respectively."
"It's 450 BC. Socrates is doing a keg stand at a philosopher frat party. Gets the nickname SoCRAYtes. Nobody takes him seriously ever again."
"What does a vulture bring onto a plane? Carrion luggage"
"What's the difference between Hitler and Usain bolt? Usain bolt can finish a race."
"My facial tattoo is going to look so cool when I'm working as a janitor for McDonalds."
"Two balloons are floating across the desert One balloon says to the other, Look out for the cactussssssssssssssssssss!"
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