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Joke of the Day

"Possible Fact: If you suffer with freezing cold hands, you are contractually obliged to test their temperature by putting them on people."

"I'm old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy."

"If apples come from apple seeds and tomatoes come from tomato seeds, how come nothing is sprouting from the bird seeds I planted?"

"Virgin mobile employee asked when imma pay the bill and I said ""I'll pay when Lebron's hairline stops receding."" I got sent to collections."

"What does it mean when a doctor has both hands on your shoulders? The Prostate exam isn't going he way you expected"

"So this is what it's like to grow up. Fucking bullshit is what it is."

"I will marry a woman if she knows homer is Not a Simpson and Plato is Not clay"

"I don't like rape jokes. They're always so forced."

"*travels back in time to kill Hitler as a baby* *becomes known as time-traveling baby murderer & history's greatest monster*"

"What's pink and red and goes 100MPH. A baby in a blender."