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Joke of the Day

"Wife: ""You talk like some poorly written science fiction novel. I'm leaving you."" Me: ""I swear by the 12 moons of Bumtar I can change!"""

"If the beavers are rowing their canoe down main st and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes will it take to shingle a dog house? Seven because ice cream has no bones"

"Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful provided you get between the right man and the right woman."

"All liquor stores are open 24 hours. When you have a brick."

"Wind Farms..... I'm a big fan!"

"Hungary's goalkeeper Gabor Kiraly's sweatpants are looking so sexy that you can go to second round with them."

"What is the volume of pizza? Pizza of course! If z = radius of the pizza and a = the height then * radius^2 * height = Pi * z * z * a = Pizza."

"Order a pizza then act confused when it arrives. ""A delivery for Aaron? Aarons DEAD. He DIED ordering a pizza in this house 10 years ago"""

"What's the definition of a surprise? A fart with a lump in it"

"I like how commercials for gum seem to be predicting a cold, dystopian future where our survival depends on the freshness of our breath."