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Joke of the Day

"I love the way the Earth rotates. It really makes my day."

"*6 opens piggy bank* Me: wtf where'd you get all that? 6: mommy said I could take $1 out of your wallet each day bc you'd never know"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a potato? You wouldn't pay to have a potato on you."

"10 years ago parents were like ""be careful what you put on the web"" and we were all ""lol. old people."" now none of us can ever be President."

"So, a squirrel walks into a bar- -k"

"In the Super Mario Bros movie, instead of a gag reel, did they have... bloopers?"

"Two dyslexics run into a bank and shout Air in the hands motherstickers! This is a fuck up!"

"I just held the door open for a Japanese guy and he said, ""Sank you"" So I punched him in the face. I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor just like that."

"Where does the vampire deposit his savings? In the blood bank. And why did he like to deposit his savings there? Because everyone there helped increase his savings."

"[phone call] Prank caller: Hi, I'd like to speak to Agood Boi Receptionist: who's Agood Boi? Prank caller: lol *tail goes nuts*"