195462

Joke of the Day

"*6 opens piggy bank* Me: wtf where'd you get all that? 6: mommy said I could take $1 out of your wallet each day bc you'd never know"

"A woman enters a bar and orders a double entendre So the bartender gives it to her!"

"According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, ""neighborhood watch"" isn't what I thought it was"

"If I had a dollar for everytime I heard someone sing a Macklemore song out loud... ...I would have 20 dollars in my pocket"

"I'm surprised that the UK left the EU by voting. Most of the time they leave on penalty kicks."

"I hate when people say ""Look at me when I'm talking to you."" I mean, c'mon, one inconvenience at a time."

"Why did the toilet want to start a rebellion? Because he was a slave to the cistern!"

"Why are proteins so cranky? Because they're made of a mean ol' acids."

"Did you hear about the two fat guys who ran in the marathon? One ran in short bursts, the other in burst shorts."

"I just moved to Wisconsin, and my neighbour invited me over to meet his wife and his sister. When I got there... ...the three of us had dinner."