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Joke of the Day

"My toddler is legit angry at me because I wouldn't let her jump out a second story window today. This is why you need birth control ladies."

"LIFE HACK: Make your waist feel dramatically smaller by accidentally trying on maternity pants."

"Why is Denmark the happiest country on Earth? Because all the sad people there kill themselves."

"Brexit's new vowels AIO Since it left E U"

"Her: I'm running a little late. M: how many more seconds er I mean yeah sure take your time. Me, trying to play it cool with the babysitter"

"What's the difference between a tuna a piano and a pot of glue..? You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna What about the pot of glue reddit will ask. Hahahahaha I knew you'd get stuck there"

"""You can't have your cake and eat it too"" People that don't know how cake works."

"What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies"

"I thought I had a Twitter Crush but his wife thought otherwise"

"Ask /r/personalfinance to draw you a line, they deliver a circle. They always make ends meet!"