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Joke of the Day

"The new Battlefield 1 looks so damn good, you could say... They just knocked Call of Duty into space."

"Death be not proud. Death not so great with words, but happy to go out with any girl you want fix Death up with."

"A student brought me 20 huge homemade chocolate chip cookies today. Good thing I have self-control--I saved one for my kids. To split."

"What do you call a woman with one leg? Ilene What do you call an Asian woman with one leg? Irene"

"How do you comfort a grammar nazi? There, their, they're."

"Twitter addiction A man goes to his doctor and says: -Doctor, I think i am addicted to Twitter. -Eh,sorry...I don't follow you."

"When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'. I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked ""Does anyone know any French?"""

"Did you hear about the paranoid dyslexic? He was always afraid he was following someone."

"ST BERNARD DOG: [getting ready for work] Honey have you seen my barrel? WIFE: Which one? SBD: The little one I wear AROUND MY NECK EVERY DAY"

"God created man... and He used your face as a rough draft...."