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Joke of the Day

"A student brought me 20 huge homemade chocolate chip cookies today. Good thing I have self-control--I saved one for my kids. To split."

"My pregnant wife just confessed she listens to R&B I'm uncertain if I should break up with her in text or just let her figure it out."

"I don't have many friends: I don't have many friends but I can draw pretty well, so I drew a bunch of friends But I only draw in black pen.. So I feel really uncomfortable"

"Why are Paris's streets lined with trees? German soldiers like to march in the shade."

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result but I still get up every morning."

"What's the best way to reheat turkey? Nuke it."

"TIL you don't actually learn something new everyday. Wait. Nevermind."

"what does one rock use to propose to another rock? A bouldering. (Sorry guys ive been indoor rock climbing lately)"

"Which is the worst hand to lose? The second one."

"How many more times are my kids going to ask me if I know where something is before they realize they're asking the wrong parent?"