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Joke of the Day

"Why was Nikola Tesla a fan of Marvel? Because he didn't like DC..."

"Not a very good poem. I dig. He digs. She digs. We dig. They dig. Everyone digs. I know it's not a very good poem, but it's very deep."

"If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year"

"What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich? I don't fuck a sandwich before I eat it."

"[presentation] GUY WITH A COMBOVER NAMED IAN: So that's our plan for the next year. Any questions? ME: Why did you call your combover Ian?"

"If you're asking me to choose sides, I'll always choose potato salad."

"I just flew into town and boy are my arms tired! Get it? Because, I've been jerking off on the plane..."

"I was in the supermarket and I thought I saw my name on a loaf of bread. I looked again and it said ""thick cut""."

"I almost didn't remember today was September 11th Then I felt bad, because I said I'd never forget."

"Bieber fever begins with a rash on your gentials that quickly spreads to the brain."