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Joke of the Day
"Bieber fever begins with a rash on your gentials that quickly spreads to the brain."
Next Joke
"What did Brad Pitt in Seven and Harvey Weinstein in real life both get? Gwyneth Paltrow's head."
"The rose petal scene from American Beauty, but just me naked and covered in candy wrappers."
"How did the private eye use math to find the intent of the crime? He solved for y! Thought this one up myself and thought it was post worthy"
"If you cut me off in traffic you better be ready to look in your rearview mirror and see me yelling something you can't hear."
"Toaster Settings: 1) I do nothing. 2) I do nothing. 3) I SET THE BREAD ON FIRE!"
"Customer: Waiter there's a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing."
"Aliens are in space right now watching all these movies where Tom Cruise defeats them, and they are laughing so hard one just peed a little."
"So a navy man returns to his ship after a night in port. The next morning he's shocked to find everyone speaking Russian... Whoops, wrong sub."
"What's a bananas favourite business to own? A peel-estate business"