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Joke of the Day

"A Russian teaching his son the spelling of assassination One ass behind another ass, behind that I, and behind me the whole nation."

"My friend asked me today if I started Christmas shopping. I'm crying. While digging a hole to bury her."

"I was watching some strange porn the other night... ...it had a fat naked guy perched on the end of his bed, crying while he masterbated. Then I realised I hadn't turned the tv on."

"What's brown and sounds like a bell? DUNNNG! What's brown and sounds like a Southern Belle? Blanche Devereaux with a tan."

"My father put a lot of pressure on me as a child. He used to say stuff like ""You're five years old? When I was your age I was six!"""

"Why are bass guitarists always standing at the front door? Because they don't know when to come in."

"What did the green grape said to the purple grape? BREATHE, GOD DAMMIT!! BREATHE!!!"

"Happiness is a relative thing. I finally have some extra money and suddenly my relatives are happy."

"Mental note, its inappropriate, according to the HR department, to put your hand on the back of a female coworkers head as she eats a banana"

"This is an ugly term. This ""Stalker"". I prefer unpaid investigator."