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Joke of the Day

"A cannibal once ate a fortune-teller for dinner. He liked his medium rare."

"Me, Myself & Irene What would be the movie called if it were about you? You Yourself & Urine."

"Earlier today I walked by a PERFECTLY S-shaped dog turd & didn't tweet a photo of it so I guess what I'm saying is that I'm growin up, guys"

"*LIGHTHOUSE* BATMAN - You call? L/HOUSE KEEPER - Shit, not again man. I am so sorry. BATMAN - Dead seagull on the light? LK -*Nods*"

"Interested in seeing the ""North Pole""? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it)"

"There's no ""u"" in awesome... But there's always ""me""."

"They say that there are rising levels of LGBT population in Spain... There's not a day goes by that a Deigo's Bi"

"You know what they say If the water slide is broken, the log ride's still open!"

"I don't believe in hitting my children as punishment... So I send them to school in a Justin Beiber shirt and Crocs and let the other kids beat them instead"

"Wife and I taking a shower Wife: I want you to do bad things to me. Me: <pours shampoo in her eyes>"