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Joke of the Day

"What's the best way to make an egg roll? You push it! I deserve salmonella for even posting this..."

"Can we stop calling it 'Breaking news' and start calling it 'bloody hell what now'"

"Vaginas are like the weather If its wet, its time to go inside."

"So a sloth got robbed by 3 turtles... When the cops asked him what happened the sloth said, It. all. happened. so. fast."

"Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together - Hermione went alone and got attacked by a troll"

"I don't know. ""Hairy ass"" makes me sound kinda edgy but ""fuzzy bum"" is more family friendly. It's a tough call. Resumes are tricky."

"A man asked for directions to the guillotine festival... It's just ahead."

"Tombstone request: Born a virgin, lived a virgin, died a virgin. The engraver shortened it to: "" Returned unopened."""

"So the jerk store called and they're running out of HB2!"

"Mad at your man? Five minutes before he gets home, turn on ""Pitch Perfect"" then hide the remote in the dishwasher."