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Joke of the Day

"Critics are raving about Mud. ""It's like dirt but wet"" says one. ""Oh god it's in my eyes"" says another"

"Why did the chicken cross the road To see the ugly man. Knock knock Who's there? The chicken."

"I asked my secret crush if she wanted to invest in my new invention idea, chloroform kleenex. She decided to sleep on it...at my place."

"Green tea reduces weight* *Only if you go and pick the leaves from the mountains yourself."

"Why can't elephants go skinny dipping? They can't get their trunks off..."

"Why is the bride always sad on her wedding day? Because she doesn't get to marry the best man."

"[sketchy parking lot] stranger: hey man, can you jump my car? me: maybe if i get a running start"

"Whats the difference between jam and jelly? You can't jelly your dick down someones throat."

"*cops finds my loose floorboard* Cop: What's under here... *they discover a lifetime supply of hot pockets* Me: I'd like my lawyer now."

"""My girlfriend is 41 years old"" - ""My girlfriend is 41 years old."" - ""Dude, wth?! She can be your mom!!!"" - ""Yes, but she's yours"" - ._."