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Joke of the Day

"[God waking up with a hangover] last night was a blur. Whose prayers did I answer? [sees Trump leading in the polls] uh oh"

"Our dishwasher works exceedingly well, as long as you only put clean dishes in it."

"It's a bird! It's a plane- -OH SHIT A PLANE IS COMING TOWARDS THE BUILDING"

"How are women like rocks? You skip the flat ones."

"Auto-correct is the new... Is Auto-correct the new Freudian dick? Or Is Anal-correct the new Freudian slip?"

"What did the chill pigeon say? coo. coo."

"My bank is trying to get people to open additional savings accounts, but there is no interest."

"How does Kylo Ren talk on the phone? A Hans free device"

"Playing golf for the first time this weekend reminded me of my trip to Taiwan It was a good experience and I had a great time, even though I ended up in a few traps."

"I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."