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Joke of the Day

"Chicken walks in to a bar... It's full of Roosters. Chicken says, ""I crossed the road for this?"""

"Did you hear about the guy who escaped from a lunatic asylum, raped a bunch of old women in a laundrette then ran away? The newspaper headlines the next day read: #**NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS**#"

"When I was young I wanted to be smart, like my dad ... he also wants to be smart!"

"If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year"

"What's yellow has wheels and lies on its back? A dead school bus!"

"Confucius says Man entering airport door sideways bound to Bangkok"

"I always wanted to know what it felt like to blow $85k So today I stood in front of Annex Hall and asked the first art major I saw."

"I keep having this dream that I'm being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?"

"This bread is my meat, this wine is my blood... ... and this beer and milk are... -Master, that's enough, I ran out of ink!"

"Papa Bear: I wish he'd Mackle more. Mama Bear: I wish he'd Mackle less. Baby Bear: I tore the throat out of a girl who stole our porridge."