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Joke of the Day

"Papa Bear: I wish he'd Mackle more. Mama Bear: I wish he'd Mackle less. Baby Bear: I tore the throat out of a girl who stole our porridge."

"Bond. Bail Bond."

"What does a pirate's beard feel like? Corsair. (works better in a pirate accent)"

"Time = Money because you SPEND it!"

"If these celebrity stints in rehab were any shorter, they'd be drive-thrus."

"For Christmas this year I'm going to pay my bills and look at pictures of Europe and cry."

"I'm getting pretty hungry. I haven't eaten all year!"

"""my god, that man is trying to snatch her purse!"" i'll be RIGHT back *ducks into phone booth* *pops head out 5 mins later* is he gone yet"

"I'd be super bummed if my Prince Charming rode in on a white horse because you'd think he could at least afford a Kia"

"Gang rape... ...5 of 6 people will enjoy it."