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Joke of the Day
"I just dumped a pair of conjoined twins. I said, ""It's not you, it's you."""
Next Joke
"9am: *starts diet* 2pm: *injects KFC gravy intravenously*"
"Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? A: Because she loved children."
"So i picked up this girl the other night... And she was all like ""Put me down!!!"""
"I saw a sign on the highway that read ""End Road Construction."" And I was like, shit, the anti-road construction people are getting vocal."
"The other day my dessert looked like it was undressing me with it's eyes... It was a total crepe."
"A Jewish boy walks up to his dad... A Jewish boy walks up to his dad and says ""hey dad! Can I borrow fifty dollars? His dad says ""forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"""
"What do you call a pretty lady on the arm of a drummer? A Tattoo."
"What's the opposite of the constitution? The prostitution."
"Went to Costco for eggs. Walked out with a toaster oven, an 80 inch 4K TV, minus 1 child and no eggs."