3287

Joke of the Day

"I would totally surf a tsunami. If I didn't get nauseous on water. And if tsunamis weren't dangerous. And I knew how to surf."

"They say money doesn't grow on trees So what are hedgefunds then?"

"A Library is a good place to get in a fight with ur girlfriend cuz its the only place u can get away with saying ""Shhh"" w/out being murdered"

"My girlfriend walked in on me again while I was eating cake frosting she'd hidden in the fridge. I hate getting caught masticating."

"TRUMP: She's too scripted HILLARY (reading from teleprompter): Mr. Trump, (voice steadily rising) Adobe Reader is ready to update"

"A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear."

"Vidi vini Me looking at ancient Etruscan nudes"

"How do you know someone is a Bernie Sanders supporter? Don't worry, he'll fucking tell you."

"I like my women like I like my wine... 12 years old and locked in a cellar"

"What do you call an animal that doesn't matter? Irrelephant."