41343

Joke of the Day

"TRUMP: She's too scripted HILLARY (reading from teleprompter): Mr. Trump, (voice steadily rising) Adobe Reader is ready to update"

"A little old lady walked into the bank cashed a small check and started out. Passing the armed guard she smiled and said ""You can go home now."""

"Sometimes I look down at my cleavage and I'm like, ""wow!"" ""That's where the rest of that cookie went!"""

"Aaanndd I've just been peed on. Were I Tila Tequila I'd have met 1 of my New Years resolutions before the clock had even struck midnight"

"Whoever named it a ""mobile"" phone obviously didn't anticipate me spending the day on the couch covered in crumbs reading Twitter."

"Sex is like Indian food It can taste good, but also rupture your anus."

"Ever heard of the 68 position? You go down on me now and I'll owe you one."

"You know what I like most about people? Their Pets."

"Binoculars have to be the worst gift you can buy for a cyclops."

"Black Friday sales keep getting earlier and earlier Ferguson got a huge jump on things this year."