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Joke of the Day

"TRUMP: She's too scripted HILLARY (reading from teleprompter): Mr. Trump, (voice steadily rising) Adobe Reader is ready to update"

"Why do some blondes have bruised belly buttons? Because there are blond guys too."

"What do you call a black man flying an airplane? The pilot you racist assholes."

"Group Assignments Person: I have an Idea Me: So Did Hitler"

"Insanity [insanity] (noun): Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results See Also: Going back to your ex"

"What do you call a pie who made his own ears? A pioneer"

"What do you call a man, with no arms or legs, in the middle of the ocean? fucked"

"Whats the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a women's track team? A tribe of pygmies is a bunch of cunning runts."

"I just whispered Beetlejuice 3 times and Michael Keaton showed up and asked for a job."

"Grammar is: 1. How we structure our sentences. 2. Grandpa's wife. Some of you will pick number two."