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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend told me to get something to make her look sexy for her birthday. So I bought myself a 12 pack."

"Why would you wrap a hamster in duct tape? So it doesn't explode when you're fucking it."

"Hi-Fi, Mid-Fi and Low-Fi Stereotypes"

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalottapuss *I have to give credit to my buddy /u/canavo for that one!"

"Sober me will always have your back.Drunk me will convince you to get a tattoo of a unicorn doing a dolphin over a rainbow on your back."

"I can't understand why people say my girlfriend's legs look like matchsticks. They do look like sticks - but they certainly don't match."

"What is a vampires least favorite food? Steak! ...I'll see myself out now."

"I hate being bi-polar... It's awesome!"

"Him: So whattayou wanna do? Her: I dunno Him: So...You wanna play video games? Her: No! Him: So...You wanna watch me play video games?"

"Sometimes when I look into the toilet I realize that I'm not a regular guy."