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Joke of the Day

"When the aliens land I refuse to be the one who explains why mannequins have no heads/arms/legs but do have noticeably erect nipples."

"What do Mexican parents and good reddit comments have in common? They have lots of children."

"A Scotsman invented the first condom. It was made out of a sheep's intestine. Not too long after, the British improved on it by first removing the intestine from the sheep."

"My first act as ruler of the universe would be changing the week to: Sunday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday."

"Love is a battlefield. And I fight naked."

"What do I look for in a car? A sound-proof cabin so I can sing every rap lyric regardless of the neighborhood I'm driving through."

"My mate went to a fancy dress party as a silent bee. ""Very subtle,"" I thought."

"I visited a small village where they had a cat for a king and a dog for a queen... ...they were reigning cats and dogs."

"My girlfriend is a special snowflake She's cold and flaky."

"You can't force someone to love you. All you can do is hire a panda suit and wait outside their window reading sonnets."