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Joke of the Day

"What do I look for in a car? A sound-proof cabin so I can sing every rap lyric regardless of the neighborhood I'm driving through."

"""Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..."" ""Peter, you've reposted that joke for over 8 years now, please stop flooding the subreddit with that."""

"I want to be as annoying as a vegetarian but still eat meat so I'm telling people I only eat chicken. I'm calling myself a ""poultrivore""."

"Girl: So, how many inches is it? Pat: How many inches is what? G: You know.. P: Uhhh, about 200 dollars long. G: OMG, It's so big!"

"Just drank two 5-Hour Energy shots. Will I get 10 hours of energy? And why is that rainbow giggling at me? AndAHH MY SKIN IS ON INSIDE-OUT!"

"Did you hear about the Jewish doctor who gave a patient six months to live? When the patient couldn't pay the doctor gave him another six months."

"Dear Kids, there is no Santa. Those presents are from your parents. Love, Julian Assange - *WikiLeaks*."

"I know I'll be a good father. I've had my iPhone for over 6 months now and I've only dropped it 182 times so far."

"Why is an apple a Dalek's favourite fruit? Because it keeps the Doctor away!"

"Hipster Jokes How does the hipster have an orgasm? ""I came like so long ago"" Why do hipsters hate rivers? They are too mainstream How much weed does a hipster usually smoke? An Instagram"