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Joke of the Day

"My first act as ruler of the universe would be changing the week to: Sunday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday."

"Why does Oedipus hate to swear? Because he kisses his mother with that mouth"

"I just quite my job at the helium factory. I won't be spoken to in that tone."

"What's your best elephant joke sequence?"

"What is everyone using to scrape ice off their windscreen? This morning I used a discount card from my wallet, but it was no good. I only got 20% off.....!!"

"My 13 year old doesn't speak when she picks up the phone. She just listens and hangs up. I think she's going to be a hitman someday."

"What do lesbians use to get on top of a building? A scissor lift."

"Every chair is a reclining chair when you're drunk."

"I have a cut on my leg Doc ""Yeah that legs gotta go sir"" But its a tiny cut ""Sorry, I cant save it"" *sharks fake doctor outfit falls off*"

"Your cubicle must be full of ghost and owls Because all I hear over there is booo hooo"