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Joke of the Day

"Tip: Instead of doing that thing where you obviously crop your ex out of the photo, you could actually just take a new picture."

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"A man overdosed on viagra No joke. http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/life-style/current-affairs/dad-takes-35-viagra-pills-as-a-dare-20150920-gjqqt7.html"
"What do tigers wear in bed ? Stripey pyjamas !"
"one time a girl asked for my number and i got so nervous that i accidentally gave her my social security number"
"The brake is on the left, the gas peddle is on the right, & the liquor store is 4 miles ahead. -Me teaching my 3yr old niece how to drive"
"People get so offended if you call certain people fat. You have to say jolly."
"*Looking in the mirror* Fix hair. Check teeth. Fix hair. Check butt. Fix hair. Side check. Suck in. Side check. Fix hair. *Sighs* walks..."
"I don't know what the question is.. But violins is not the answer."
"Warning to friends: If you piss me off I'll put a for sale sign in my yard and list your phone number to call for inquiries."
"I'm getting tired of all these Nepal jokes. Come on guys, shake things up."